Memories Are Fading From The Brightness Of The Future

Well it is Monday. This morning I had an exam. I hope it went alright
But on Sunday I met up with Tom in town. As friends. Yet we still kissed, and hugged and held hands in the same way. And I could truely feel my heart breaking, knowing that it wasn't right and taht things from now on are going to be very different. I know life moves on. But the last 5 months we have spent together have just gone so fast. And I keep thinking that maybe we will forget about one another. Maybe we will loose contact and just drift apart like I have with other people. I hope that isn't the case here.
But I have to look up. Yes we are still going to be friends, but things far more exciting are going to happen. Today I was thinking about the future. And what it might bring. And I have realised how much there is to look forward to, and it kind of outshines the happiness that I have. But in a good way. If you think about it, as you get older you need bigger things to make you happy or smile.
I think that I am on the right track to a bright future. Well I hope so. I just have to keep reminding myself that it is all worth it in the end.

Clear is the Sky, and So Are My Thoughts

Things seem alot clearer now. I have found serenity. I think now that maybe I am truely happy. Or very much on my way to reaching that goal. I have confessed my inner feelings. And I am learning to cope better. I have found that people just aren't worrying about, if they give you no worries. There is no point shortening your lives worrying about them.

Things are looking up and I have a big future to look forward to filled with success, love and happiness. It may be hard at the moment, but I guess this is what makes you into an adult.

Untitled

Dreams have blown away with the smoke of burning hopes
Regrets spark the kindling, ready to ignite
Intenisty of flames filled with the power of fright
Clinging onto the air of life
Relief extinguishes the fire of death
Which leaves its charred scars
Until it burns again.


Millie Elvé 2007

Retrospect

With hindsight I think I can see why these events over the last few days have happened. I guess it is because recently I have been trying to let out something that I have kept form everybody, something that I guess only one person would understand. Well that all changed last night.

Last night was very dark, so dark, I am surprised I pulled through it. But I opened up. And, well it made things better in one way. but it made things worse aswell.

I guess now will be my chance to get the help I have needed all of this time. I found that yesterday evening, I was starting to slip back into my old ways. As now I had faced the truths, I cannot help but take this route. Also, I just feel so alone. So alone. People tell me they will help me. But it just doesn't seem enough. I know that this is awfully selfish and may make people think Iam greedy.

I just hope that now, people will see, that this is my chance to change , and therefore become a better person.
I feel that I am already changing.

Silence is so deafening.

Silcence brings pain to my ears more so than any loud noise in the world. It doesn't jsut hurt my ears, but it hurts my mind and my soul.
I just want to say that I am willing to listen. Whenever. But I just have to wait. I want to, but I know I shouldn't talk to you. I want t oso much. But I can't. it wouldnt be right.
I just hope you realise that now the ball is in your court.
I hope you make the right choice.

Heartbreak, Break-Up

What can I say. My head seems to be full of dust and dirt. Nothing seems very clear and now I am constantly doubting the world around me. I don't really know what to think.
He says he still loves me. But considering how many times he has changed his mind I can't help but think that he is doing this for his own sake... so he won't be so guilty.
I don't know if I want friendship out of this either. Should I bother, consdering how he has treated me? Or should I just forget about him completely? There are just so many unanswered questions, and I probably will never know the right answer until I make some more mistakes. That is just how this world works.
Feel like writing a story or a poem. But because of all the dust, things are not clear enough to write down onto paper.
Don't really know what else to write about. This was hard enough.